What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

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Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

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Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

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“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Make Nazis afraid again!

If our normal body temperature is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, why do we perceive weather in the 90s as "hot?"

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Atheists, there is a god up there in heaven and he loves you so much that he sent his son to die the worst death imaginable and then to turn into a zombie all to save you from sin. Why do you reject him?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

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Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

TEXT:

Why do men suck dick? Me, I can't get enough

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

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¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!